The Secret to Authenticity
Your sense of self-worth is, at least in part, determined by the worth you have in the eyes of others. How others see you is a mirror that tells you who you are, how likeable you are and how much value you have as a human being. This is a very natural part of human nature: in infancy, we need our caregivers to give us a sense of ourselves, to mirror to us who we are. As infants who still do not know language, we cannot know ourselves as ourselves without this external mirroring.
As we grow older, we have a greater and greater capacity for self-knowledge and more importantly, self-knowing, which is accessed through Being itself.
Unfortunately, we continue to completely rely on others to provide us the mirror reflection of who and what we are. To some extent, it is healthy, in addition to providing your own self-mirroring, to have the mirroring of others. If it is fairly objective mirroring (based more on fact than on biased interpretations), then this mirroring from others will help us maintain a balanced and grounded self image.
The problem lies in what we tend to base the mirroring on. Are others mirroring aspects of your Being or qualities of your ego and appearance? Think about this a minute. If we are all operating from ego most of the time and since the ego values form, are any of us being mirrored by others for our Being?
The answer overwhelmingly is "no".
In Western cultures, and this includes Europe, the physical appearance of our body contributes greatly to the sense of who we think we are. If our body is strong and slender and our face attractive, we and others will tend to think more highly of us than if we have a weak or fat body or unattractive facial features. This is a blatant form of discrimination, but it is also a trap of the ego.
Our sense of self-worth is also largely based on what we have. The ego tends to equate having with Being. "I have, therefore I am." It then follows that the more I have, the more I am. The ego is terrified of emptiness and thrives on filling itself up with content, whether it be mental content or tangible content. The person who voraciously accumulates possessions is running furiously from their experience of Being. The ego fears Being, which in essence, annihilates ego. As long as the ego has supremacy in your psychological life, you will unconsciously (and consciously too) seek to fill yourself and your life with anything to identify with.
The nature and quality of that which we identify with defines our sense of who we are. It is a choice we make, and the choice begins with awareness. As we become aware of the identifications that produce a false sense of self, we come that much closer to being our authentic self.
As we disown the false and superficial measurements of our sense of self and self-worth, we become more true, more authentic, more real human beings, grounded in Being and more fully alive.
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